So.
Two days ago my ANC (Actual Neutrophil Count), the measurement of white blood cells capable of combating infection:
Was 0.
Zip. Zilch. Nada.
It was that way for the preceding 6 days as well.
Yesterday: 1.7
An impressive one-day jump, I was told.
Today: 9.7
A pretty unheard of jump, I was told.
Tomorrow: I get to go home.
NINE POINT FUCKING SEVEN. I'M AN UNSTOPPABLE WHITE BLOOD CELL MACHINE. ALL POSSIBLE INFECTIONS MUST BOW BEFORE ME.
I am Captain 'Murika, haver of neutrophils.
Back to what matters:
I go home tomorrow. I know the road is long and this is all just starting. I know there are risks and I have to be careful. I know there are unique challenges, frustration with missing work and other issues, but this is good news.
Maybe sometime I'll get serious on here about how difficult this was. I like to use humor here to lighten the load and I don't like to complain or to be seen as dramatic. Still, this was one of the toughest things I've ever had to do. The mental, physical and emotional challenges a stay like this presented were heavy at times.
I thought I would breeze through it. Arrogance.
Instead.
A lot of quiet time, just me and my thoughts.
Many thoughts of her.
And the fate she met that I refuse to.
Much time for self reflection.
Unfamiliar surroundings.
Sleepless nights, creeping doubt. Get wrenching nausea and exhaustion I can't describe.
I often thought of my favorite movie to get me through rough times.
"Why are you doing this?"
"I just felt like running."
He just felt like running. Pay no mind to anything else.
Just don't stop.
The race doesn't last forever.
I'm going home tomorrow.
With the same immune system the guy above had. And less style.
The kindness and generosity you've all shown me is beyond my comprehension.
I hate people who say "I told you so". But I told you so. Your numbers are reflective of your spirit; your mom would be proud. Remember all that I told you (or at least the important stuff that will keep you safe- the other 95% of smack talk you can disregard). except that the Wolverine spirit is now part of you so you better make some room in that green blood for some maize. See you on the flip side my friend. You are a win for us all!!
ReplyDelete(You still owe me an autographed copy of the CC magazine)! Words can't convey my happiness for you. Go get 'em tiger! -A
You're my hero, Annie. Along with the rest of the staff here. You got me through this.
ReplyDeleteThere will be a blog post shortly thanking you and all the staff for the amazing work you do.
You're the best.
This is so AWESOME! I can relate to your excitement as we've recently been celebrating the same in regards to mom. Know that we're all sending tons of prayers, well wishes and positive energy!
ReplyDelete