What A Day

Yesterday was a pretty surreal day. 

I don't know if it's because of my affinity for self deprecation, my distaste for arrogance, or the shyness that I can generally hide pretty well, but the attention and recognition I received yesterday still doesn't make sense to me. 

Kind of. 

It's starting to. 

I'm not sure I'll ever be able to believe people when they talk about the way I write, and I'm positive I'll never understand it when they call me an inspiration (who, me?), but I suppose it's time I start listening to people when they say this blog has turned into something pretty cool. 

Still, we'll disagree as to why it's special, or how it became special. 

Newsflash: it ain't me. 

It would be nothing without the people who read it. That's you. That's why it's important. 

Without you, this would be a collection of thoughts and words that I would hang onto for reference when this whole ordeal is over. It would likely be dull, negative, full of complaints. Also likely to be eventually lost in the bowels of the internet.

It wouldn't have the views. 

It wouldn't have kept my attention on tough days when I needed something to focus on.

It wouldn't have challenged me to be honest with myself about all of this. To look it in the eye. 

It wouldn't have allowed me to begin this blog by writing an version of events and projecting an attitude that I wanted my friends and family to read and believe, in the hopes of putting people at ease--but the more I wrote that way, the more that attitude became a reality for me. I adopted it as my own. A "realistic optimism" in me created by the readership. 

It wouldn't have allowed me to face this with a smile, with sarcasm and humor. It let's me poke holes in the big scary monster that is Cancer and reduce it to something manageable. It let's me piss and moan and swear (be myself). 

It wouldn't have led to me being recognized and flattered by stories in the LSJ and Thrive. 

It needs you. 

I need you, for any of this to have happened. 

So thank you. Thank you thank you thank you.

Yesterday was wild. 

In all honesty, I had no idea when the Thrive article would be published. I had no idea that the LSJ story would be on the front page. Zero clue. 

But as my brother said, "If your athletic ability can't get you on the cover, just get cancer." 

He caught me. This was all part of my master plan. 

The articles essentially being published on the same day created a flurry of attention and an outpouring of support that I cannot believe. 

Old friends, old coaches, total strangers all reaching out to wish me well. Donations from people I know and have never met. 

There was a clear contrast yesterday between how I felt, and how I felt. 

How I felt, was like shit. 

Stomach issues all day, fatigue but unable to sleep, appetite fleeting. Small fever for most of the day. Nothing urgent, but a generally feeling of: blah. 

How I felt, was on top of the world. 

Embarrassed to a certain extent by the attention, yes, but: 

How I felt, was cared for. Loved. Like things I have to say or thoughts I have matter. 

Like there are people I'll probably never meet who are thinking of me, pulling for me. 

Like I'm the damn luckiest guy I know. 

How I felt, was if a person has this kind of support, these kind of people around him, how can he lose? 

He can't. I can't. I won't. 

Neither can the Spartans today.

MSU 27 - UM 13

The green is out today. 

Gotta feel bad for Jim.

Thank you all again. Love you guys.