Cumulative effects and "hitting bottom."

As the treatments have progressed, I can't say I've noticed any new/different side effects--only that the side effects I'm "familiar" with are more exaggerated. 

Again, I was told this was possible. Even likely. Still not a whole lot that can be done to prepare for it. 

Dramatic alert:

Today has been the worst day yet--and I'm okay with that. There's something strangely comforting about "hitting bottom." The feeling that this is as bad as it can get is reassuring. 

If this is as bad as it gets, I'll be fine. 

It sucks, it's unpleasant, and I wish it weren't the case. Still, it's here and it's happening, and there's no use bitching. It's part of the ride, part of the experience. 

  I'm sure there might be new "bottoms" ahead for me in this process, but I'll embrace this one for now. 

During this trip to the gutter, I still ran some errands and saw/cuddled with Griswold.

 I even went and got a massage. I had to take a break in the middle of it to puke--but I digress. 

That's a pretty good day for someone who isn't sick, so I'll take it. 

I'm not tough. I couldn't do this every day, but if this is as deep as the gutter gets for a handful of days every two weeks, I'll be just fine. 

If it gets worse, then I'll adjust and proceed.

Toughness applies when you have a choice. I don't, so bring it, Lymphoma and ABVD. 

Time to go give out some more free porcelain hugs. 

Shit.