Chemo, Day #3, Cycle #2

A couple weeks ago during my last round, I wrote about my fear of letting any of this insanity become routine--the feeling that once any of this felt "normal," the battle would already be lost. 

I still feel that way. It seems that maybe someone here at the Cancer Center agrees, because for the third time in three treatments, I'm in a different place. 

The difference this time: A bed. 

Who knew this place had bedrooms?

The room is still isolated from the rest of the infusion atrium. I'm in one of only 5 rooms, so it seems I've won the "chemo treatment lottery" today, and have been awarded one of the fancy rooms. 

Not gonna lie, it's pretty nice. I've been noticing fatigue more and more, especially today. It's just a pretty persistent feeling of weakness...feeling drained...and the chance to relax, or even nap, is welcome. 

The 3 hours of sitting around in the waiting room wasn't welcome, but when I felt the urge to find someone to bitch to, I remembered the people/drugs here are saving my life. 

So sit back down and shut up, you big whiny idiot--is what I told myself. 

I'm feeling a little rough today, so while the experience of seeing the sick around me in this place is still profound, I'm finding it a bit difficult to express it at the moment--running a bit low on expressive/creative juices, mostly due to being so tired. 

What I will say is that this is a great place for me to have a "bad" day. 

I feel like shit, but when I look around and see what other people are dealing with, the state of their health and their bodies, the look on their faces and the faces of their loved ones, I tell myself again:

Sit down and shut up, you big whiny idiot. 

I'll try and share more about today later on/in the coming days. 

I'm just too damn tired right now. I don't know if the drugs are catching up to me a bit, or if it's just general fatigue. Time will tell. 

In closing, being here: 

It still isn't routine. 

It still sucks. 

So I'm still winning. 

If I'm the Spartans, cancer is the Wolverines. 

They're the real big whiny idiots.

Nap time.