Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Unsure how to feel

Unsure why, but this time around I've been placed in a much more private room for my treatment. 

There are about 8 of these rooms. Small, private, closed off from the others receiving treatment. 

The "infusion atrium," where I was last time, is a well lit open space. I was happy to be placed there last time, as it allowed me to have the experience I spoke about--the realization that this wasn't some mistake, that I do belong here as well, even if what I saw around me didn't compute. 

This time, it's insulated. I still saw much older people, much sicker people, and weak looking people while waiting in the lobby. There is the look of coming death all over this place. 

In here, though, it's just me...wasting time on a computer, watching tv, waiting for my drugs. 

I'm not sure which I prefer. 

With others around, it's easier not to focus on the impending unpleasantness that's soon to be injected into me. 

Alone, the morbid realities of this disease for a lot of the people here with me aren't as "in your face." 

Blah. Just give me my Kool-aid drugs and get me the hell outta here. 

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